I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
