You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
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I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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