My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
