a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
