never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize