i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
