Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
