dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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