We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
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Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'