im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.