I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.