Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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