Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?