Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"