I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.