i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
