I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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