Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
