Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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