And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
