All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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