I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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