we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How naked do you want me to be?
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