well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
