That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
