can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
