roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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