This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
