The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
