Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
