I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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