Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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