so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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