i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
