Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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