I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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