She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
