how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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