he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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