He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
