well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
