Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
