in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
