You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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