Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
