So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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