i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
