Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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