I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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