fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
