She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
