this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
