In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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