I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
