You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
