I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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