we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize