I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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