i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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