I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I am morally bankrupt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
