There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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