My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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