I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
