Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
