I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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