he shaved USA in his pubs
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
