your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
