u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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