i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
