can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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