apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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