i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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