I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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