I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
