Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
